I rarely read books that are squarely in the romance genre, so the tropes that I will be talking about today are ones that typically appear in fantasy books with romantic subplots. Even though the books I pick up usually don't have that much romance, the way the romance is executed has a pretty big impact on my reading experience. If the romance is good, I enjoy the book a lot more; but if the romance is poorly done, my entire reading experience kind of suffers.

TL;DR: I am incredibly nitpicky about romantic subplots.

Romantic Tropes I Dislike

Let's start with the ones that aren't my cup of tea. Actually, that's putting it mildly. Some of these I would not touch with a ten-foot pole. Buckle up, because I can get a little opinionated.

That said, just because I don't like these tropes, it doesn't mean that I think people are terrible for liking these themselves. I also don't judge people who are involved in these types of relationships in real life. I hope that goes without saying, but at a time when people believe that what we read strongly reflects our values, I want to be clear about that. Yes, it's true that my opinions are shaped largely by my own life experiences, but I would never meddle in romantic affairs of real people if they don't concern me. When I talk about why I don't like these tropes, it's only in the context of reading.

Love Triangles

I know many people don't like love triangles, but my dislike for love triangles is on the edge of the spectrum. No matter how much other people rant about love triangles, I always find that they will have exceptions in which love triangles are acceptable to them. (In fact, one thing that drives me bonkers are those blog posts titled "Books that don't have love triangles," yet half of those books do have love triangles, but the blogger considers them excusable.)

That's not the case with me. I hate love triangles, period. No exceptions. Some of my favourite authors whose storytelling skills render me on my knees in stunned adoration have written love triangles that diminished my enjoyment of their works. Do I still like those books? Sure. But I would love them even more had the love triangles not been there.

Some people might say love triangles can be good depending on its execution. Still not the case for me. There are generally two types of love triangles. The first, which I feel is the one most people tend to hate, is when the endgame is obvious, and there's just one character thrown into the mix to spice things up. I hate this type of love triangle, because I feel that it's unnecessary. Even when the author uses it to symbolize a bigger theme in the book (ie. the protagonist choosing between two ideals, two communities, two ways of life, etc.), I feel like there are better ways to execute that than having two romantic rivals.

I also hate the opposite type of love triangle, in which I don't know whom the character will choose. When I want to feel engaged in a romantic subplot, I want to be invested. And for some reason, I'm as risk-averse with the romantic option I'm supposed to root for as I am in my real-life finances. By the end of the book, I want to feel like my investment paid off.

That's not to say I'm incapable of not engaging in a romantic subplot -- I've read many books where I wasn't invested at all in the romance. But I feel like that expectation has to be presented upfront. I have to pick up the book knowing that the romance isn't going to play much part in my reading experience. Otherwise, it's a bit disappointing to have a book recommended to me because I'd enjoy its romance, only for me to have to disengage.

The reason I dislike love triangles so much boils down to this: authors often use love triangles to inspire unhealthy emotions and actions in the characters, and then pretend these are romantic. The character caught between two rivals would often engage in power play, pitting their two rivals against each other. Even if the character themselves aren't aware they're doing it, that's what the narrative is doing. The love triangle ends when one rival gets chosen or the other one dies, and usually none of the ugly power play gets addressed.

I admit that this is perhaps where my own experiences affect my reading a little too strongly. I've never been involved in a love triangle myself, but I have been an affected fourth-party to one. And I've seen how the resulting jealousy has rotted relationships and turned generous people into senseless oafs. So when I encounter a love triangle in a book, I can't suspend disbelief enough to feel like these characters are involved in anything resembling a romance.

Also, love triangles often involve cheating and infidelity, but this section has gotten so long already, so I'll just move on. (You get the point though: I don't find cheating/infidelity fun to read.)

Temporary / No HEA

This one is less of a trope and more of a mis-marketing. I think one of the most well-known conventions of the romance genre is "happily ever after." When characters are involved in a romance, there is a silent promise that they will end up together. When this doesn't happen, I believe we move away from the realm of romance and into a more general type of love story (think Nicholas Sparks).

For me, when a book has a strong enough romantic subplot, I am expecting that it will adhere to genre conventions. So it does get a little frustrating when a romantic interest gets killed, or if the characters don't actually end up together. Or even worse -- when you can tell that the author thinks a genre convention is silly, makes it a point to break that particular convention, so they can secretly laugh at their readers who were expecting it. That always feels patronizing.

Large Age Gaps

I probably wouldn't be as irked by this trope if we had more Kida/Milo type of relationships out there. But the fact that the vast majority of fantasy stories that employ this trope pair up girls barely out of their teens with immortal men or men hundreds of years old suggests that people find the creepiness factor titillating. I don't.

It's also strange that these immortal men always happen to look like they're in their 20s. (Even stranger when the authors themselves call these men "boys.")

Once again, my inability to suspend disbelief is a major reason why I can't enjoy this trope. When an immortal man or fantasy creature "falls in love" with seventeen-year-old Sally, there's usually this strange, utterly unconvincing declaration of love that goes something like, "You're so special. I've never met anyone like you before. I've never felt like this with another woman."

Why are you lying?

I just honestly cannot believe that someone could live eons and not once have felt the same intense attraction to someone else. My disbelief is also partly due to the protagonist not being all that special in the grand scheme of things. Look, I love ordinary protagonists. I love characters that exude girl-next-door vibes. But don't lie and say you've never met another ordinary girl. If anything, I would appreciate it more if the immortal man (creature/vampire/fae/what-have-you) simply flat out says, "I've had another girl exactly like you two years ago, and I can't even remember her name. There's been thousands. Just know that that's how things will likely end up with us." Because you know what, at least that's convincing.

At this point, the only way I would be convinced by this trope is if your super special protagonist is Jobu Tupaki.

Also, imagine being an immortal and not even considering the 90-year-old Betty Whites of your world as a potential love interest. (I mean, if you want to talk unique, statistically at any point in history, there have been far fewer 90-year-old women than teenage girls.)

When both characters happen to live in human years, I still get a little weirded out by big age gaps. Typically anything above ten years, give or take, makes me a little uncomfortable. A decade is usually enough that the people involved won't be in the same stage of life, and this can introduce pretty big power imbalances. Again, I want to reiterate my disclaimer at the top: I'm not judging people in real life who may be part of relationships like this. You do you, and I'm sure you're comfortable with whoever you choose to be with. But in fantasy settings, where the older person also tends to be in a position of more significant power and experience, it's hard for me to believe that the couple have equal standing and inspire equal respect from each other.

Insta-Love

I'm noticing a trend in the tropes I dislike so far: I can't suspend disbelief. I just don't feel like they engender true love. Insta-love falls in the same bucket.

I don't really have a lot to say about this trope, because I think it's pretty understandable why I find it unbelievable. In order for you to love someone, you actually have to know them.

Enemies to Lovers

This is a trope I generally dislike, but I'm not wholly averse to it, because I've seen it executed in ways that are interesting and convincing.

The execution of this trope that irritates me most is when two characters believe in polar opposite values, have polar opposite personalities, have belittled each other, even physically harmed each other, and then they change their minds because they find the other attractive.

I don't know about you, but when I dislike someone, they look really unappealing to me. Even if they're the golden ratio incarnate, suddenly I hate golden ratios.

What's annoying to me is the unrelatable mindset of, "This person believes I should die, but they're hot so maybe they're not that bad." I don't believe that a person's redeemability hinges in any way in how they look. You can argue that in certain cultures, how you look is an indication of your goodness, but I don't believe that, and most enemies-to-lovers aren't set in that type of culture.

I just think the catalyst for change should be rooted in something more substantial, like a common belief, or an actual act of kindness.

Another reason why I generally stay away from enemies-to-lovers is because of pointless banter. I feel like many books confuse witty banter with circular belittling dialogue. "You're bad!" "No, you're bad!" "No, you're bad times two!" "No, you're bad times infinity!" I'm not sure why I'm supposed to find that riveting.

It's even worse when one of the characters is a straight-up bully. Bully-to-lovers is an actual iteration of enemies-to-lovers, and it's one that I have a hard time buying into. I understand that this is a power fantasy for some people: to think that they can render their bully so hopelessly in love with them is an ultimate demonstration of power. But like I said in the Love Triangles section, I don't find power play to be romantic.

What really drives me up the wall is when bullying is written as a manifestation of romantic interest. "I treated you so badly because I secretly liked you." End me now! Is this supposed to excuse the harassment and intimidation? Is this supposed to make me feel like the relationship is healthy? Look, if that's how they treat you when they like you, imagine how they'll treat you when they love you, when they feel more possessive of you. I shudder to think.

Romantic Tropes I Love

All right, let's put the salt-shaker down and move on to romantic tropes I absolutely adore. These are tropes that put me in such a good mood. They're so fun and energizing, and most importantly, makes me believe in the characters' affection for each other.

(Childhood) Friends to Lovers

Kind of the opposite of enemies-to-lovers, as well as insta-love, is it any surprise that I enjoy friends-to-lovers a lot? Especially when the friendship starts in their childhood. Unfortunately I feel like childhood friends-to-lovers is rare to see nowadays, at least as a standalone and not the side-dish of the popular love-triangle between childhood bestfriend and new, mysterious bad boy.

As I've alluded to above, one major way a romance feels believable to me is when two people truly know and understand one another. Being friends provides a good foundation for two people to reveal their inner selves to each other without the pressure and complication of potential heartbreak getting in the way. Passion also doesn't colour your opinions of each other in a way that can lead to misconceptions early in the relationship.

Another reason why this trope has a special place in my heart is because any kind of long-lived relationship is endearing to me. It's so difficult to maintain good relationships. People change, circumstances change. And when two people manage to remain close, caring, and affectionate even after many years, that really signals a strong bond to me. There's just this cozy, hygge feeling to this trope.

Here are some books I enjoyed with childhood friends-to-lovers:

• A Treason of Thorns by Laura E. Weymouth
• Isle of Blood and Stone by Makiia Lucier
• The Lady Rogue by Jenn Bennett

Dynamic Duos

Remember my issue with power struggles in the prior section? Well, here's an antidote to that. What if you make both characters so awesome as individuals in their own right? And what if they're even better when they work together? That, my friends, is why I love dynamic duos.

To be fair, I love dynamic duos even without the romantic aspect to the trope. However, it's even more fascinating to read when romance is thrown into the mix, because it gives rise to other entertaining tropes. For example, I'm a sucker for battle scenes where one of the characters end up wounded, but they pretend they're okay so their partner doesn't worry. Or when a normally stoic character goes berserk because their partner has been hurt. And the scenes where they comfort each other afterwards? Be still, my heart!

I also like dynamic duos, because they can show that a good, healthy relationship doesn't have to be boring. There are two ways this generally plays out. The first is when the duo has an "Us vs Them" conflict, where their romance and their bond aren't even in question. Rather, the narrative treats their relationship as a bulwark, as a source of strength and motivation, against external struggles. This is probably my favourite type of dynamic duo romance.

The second is when the external conflict can interfere with the romance. I like this type a little less, but I've seen it done in some very interesting ways. Mostly, I like it when the couple seeks to equalize their power despite all the forces that are trying to bring one of them down or play them against each other. And when they both come out of that struggle better as individuals and a duo, while saving the world from utter chaos, my admiration just goes through the roof.

Here are two series that I enjoyed with some dynamic duos (both actually feature multiple pairs!):

• The Queen's Thief by Megan Whalen Turner
• The Legend of Eli Monpress by Rachel Aaron

Mutual Pining

This trope is probably my most controversial favourite trope, because it so easily plays into another trope that most people hate: bad communication. I don't like poor communication as much as any other reader, but I think mutual pining, when done right, can be satisfyingly angsty.

I like mutual pining that is caused by circumstances outside of the characters' control. For example, when they have a duty or a higher calling that requires them to be apart. My favourite part about this type of plotlines is when the characters come up with creative ways to satisfy that duty while still ending up together.

Another less common type of mutual pining, but one I really appreciate, is when the characters are actually honest about their attraction, but decide that they aren't willing to compromise other values by being with the other person. Usually this is when one character has a different moral compass than the other. And I know I'm making it sound like this type of story is preachy or like the characters are mouthpieces for the author's agenda, but don't worry. The few times I encountered this, the stories aren't actually moralizing at all. What I like about this type of mutual pining is seeing what characters eventually sacrifice in order to be with the other person. Sacrifice is how you know the pining was real, right?

Two excellent series with mutual pining:

• Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
• The Glass Alliance by Joanna Hathaway

Mistaken/Hidden Identity

I like this trope best when it is written as dramatic irony rather than a plot twist. I love anticipating how the big reveal will happen and what everyone's reactions are going to be. Perhaps this is why I really enjoy political intrigue and spy stories, because there's usually at least one character who has to assume a different persona. And once romance begins to bloom, it's very interesting to see the dilemma in the character who's in disguise, and how the other person handles the truth once it's been revealed or discovered.

I really don't have much else to say about this trope. I think it's just a guilty pleasure for me. No matter how many times this plot device is used, I will always find myself interested in stories where a character has to go undercover and falls in live while they're in disguise. As a bonus, this is usually accompanied by mutual pining!

Some books or series that I enjoyed with this trope:

• The Darkening by Sunya Mara
• Dauntless Path by Intisar Khanani

Slow Burn

At first, I wasn't sure how to talk about this trope without reiterating everything I've already said in friends-to-lovers. But I think the key difference between friends-to-lovers and slow burn is the way the story is written. A book can have friends-to-lovers, but the romance can develop quickly within the story, so that's not slow burn. Or perhaps two strangers meet for the first time, and their attraction burgeons over the course of a few books. That's slow burn.

What I enjoy about this trope is the way the narrative takes its time in developing the relationship between the characters. It's almost like a character study, but about the relationship. So by the time the two end up together, it feels inevitable, and I love that. I love the surety of it.

It's funny, because the other week I saw a post on Tumblr that pointed out how strange it is that most romances end when two people kiss or confess their love or get married, because that's usually only when the fun begins. Or when the real challenges begin. And I'm not going to deny that being in a relationship poses problems that you likely won't face when you're not together yet. But I think there's also something really satisfying in seeing the relationship deepen and mature even before you get to the "I love you." Because then the "I love you" feels really honest and convincing.

There's probably some cultural influence playing here too, because in my culture, kissing is more serious of a gesture than it is here in North America. Kissing usually means you are absolutely serious about the relationship. Some really traditional folks even save their first kiss for the actual wedding ceremony. There are just so many ways you can show affection other than kissing. And so what I enjoy about slow burn is seeing those other gestures that tug the two characters closer together.

Some books/series that I enjoyed with slow burn:

• The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater
• Lockwood and Co. by Jonathan Stroud

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Wow, this post is over 3K words. But hey, I did admit at the beginning that I can get a little opinionated. If you made it this far, big thanks to you. I hope you found my thoughts entertaining to read. I would love to hear about the romantic tropes you like or dislike and why! Are some of them the same as mine? Do I like some tropes that you hate, or do I hate some tropes that you adore? Let me know!